I realized something a couple of days ago. There has not passed a single day where I haven’t drawn, doodled, or created “art” in some capacity. There are days I haven’t eaten, there are days I haven’t slept, but there it's crazy to think I have never gone a single day since 2012 without drawing. I don’t really get addicted easily and drop any habit with relative ease, but for some reason, with all my efforts and interventions, I can’t stop drawing. I have gotten severe Carpal Tunnel and still refused to stop.
You can see above my office is littered with pieces of scrap paper with doodles of ballpoint pens. I used to throw the paper after I was done, but I wanted to see just how much I actually doodle. The answer. Way too much.
The Genesis of My Affliction
I guess it is no surprise that I like to draw. I like most things that involve creativity. I wanted to be an architect and have come close to failing the only art class I ever took. So it wasn’t like I was building on some hidden talent that was deep inside my soul.
I was just doodling random objects, and patterns that would litter every notebook or lose pieces of paper that I could find. I then came across an article in the Daily Mail my senior year of high school. An artist called Paul Cadden was creating these pieces that looked like photos but were actually done using a pencil.
I started to think. I can use whatever I had lying around to create incredible pieces of art? I can learn to pick up a regular pencil and paper and just create? That really got me excited and probably gave me the biggest rush of dopamine I ever had. So I got to researching.
My Vice of Choice
So now that I saw proof of concept, and I didn’t have to invest hundreds of dollars in material just to realize bad my art skills were, I started to look at different mediums. The usual suspects were out. I wasn’t going to do Oil Paintings. That needed too much upfront ( time, cost, expertise). I wasn’t going to sculpt because that just looked way too hard.
I was looking for something that can just pick and just do. I initially was going to start using a pencil, but being left-handed everything would smudge and fade over time. Also to be honest, by that time I rarely even used a pencil. I was using a pen. Wait Can you create cool-looking things using a simple pen? The short answer is yes. The problem? It was going to be tough. really tough.
My Love for the Ballpoint
So I decided I was going to use a pen almost exclusively, and It was going to be hard. Not only didn’t know how to draw, but I was also using a medium that's hard to use even if I did. So I went to look at drawings that are ballpoint and I was hooked. I saw a James Mylne Piece, and I was absolutely enthralled.
So why do I love the ballpoint pen? It's important to understand this because there has to be a driving force to become great at something there has to have an underlying affinity. For me, the pen was incredibly interesting for the reason we will discuss, and the reason why it's just a great medium tie into why I can't just stop drawing.
There is No Room For Error
You cannot control Pen. You cannot erase Pen. Mistakes can be the end of a piece if large enough. You have to be mindful when you draw with a pen. IF you are careless, you will mess up. you need to consistently mindful of what you are doing. As someone who is always jumpy and hyper, it is an incredible way to cool off my mind.
There are no shortcuts
With different mediums, you can have crutches and tricks to make your life easier. With Pen, you don’t have that luxury. For Example, when drawing with a pencil you don’t really have to be incredible at shading. With a blending stick you can get the same result in a fraction of the time.
If you want a smooth gradient, you have to meticulously shade layer after layer to achieve the effect and for that you need patience. You need to understand that it will take time. I think I like knowing the data before I start something, and for this, it keeps my mind calm.
The Pen is extremely Versatile
The range of a simple pen is incredible. You can create the dark and rich colors, or create the lightest values all from just one pen. With a pencil, you would need a spectrum of pencils to create the same effect, and with paint, you need to mix colors to create that gradient. The key is building the skill to unlock those features. It takes time to learn about pens and the pressure needed to get the same effect. I might be incredibly romantic or justifying the only thing I have done consistently my whole adult life but just look.
So many different varients and gradients of blue, all from the same pen. It's mesmerizing to me. For someone who is impatient like me, it really is a daily reminder. The Pen will do whatever you desire, but we need to learn to use it to the best of our abilities.
Will it End?
I don’t know if I will ever stop doodling with my trusty ballpoint pen. It scratches an unbelievable itch, and no matter how much I draw, I can’t get enough. It calms me down, puts me at peace, and keeps me in one place. Probably the next step is to create these doodles on a large scale in a formal setting. I don’t know, but regardless I will be happily doodling away.